First time sex? Tips & Tricks!
The first time we have sex is important for most of us. It opens up a new world in front of us, we move on to the next phase of our growth, we are likely to get closer to our partner and we get to know our bodies better.
However, we all worry and stress about our first time. How long will it last? Will it hurt? Will I be good? Will I like it? Will my partner like it? The anxiety can be mitigated with proper information and proper preparation. Below are tips to make your first time a wonderful experience.
Talk about it
Whether it’s with your older siblings, a more experienced friend (who you know has sexually responsible behaviour), your doctor, your parents – if you’re comfortable – talking about it can help. When someone has sex for the first time is entirely their decision, but turning thought into reason helps to process your decision better so you can be confident for yourself. Feeling comfortable talking about it can help you ask any questions that are on your mind and get the right answers.
Be prepared
You may have heard that your first time will come naturally and you don’t have to do anything…it will just come. Mmmmm yeah. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have prepared ahead of time regardless of when it comes up. You can educate yourself around the sex act (porn doesn’t count as education, trust me your sex life won’t be like that at all), you need to educate yourself about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), genital anatomy, erogenous zones, etc. Then, make sure you have the essentials (condoms, lubricants) with you. If you are the person to be penetrated you can try applying the condom yourself first.
Understand the term “Consent”!
The most important thing in sex, whether it’s the first or the 200th time you have sex, is to have consent. Consent should be verbal and enthusiastic. Nothing less.
In order to understand it better, I am quoting here things that are NOT consensus:
“No” and “I don’t know” are NOT consent.
If the person you are with is unconscious or in a vulnerable mental state (drunk, under the influence of drugs) they CANNOT give consent.
If a partner says they will use protection during sex and then does not, it is NOT a consensual act.
The consent must also be accurate. You have the right to consent to something and not to something else. This is entirely up to the individuals concerned and can be revised as needs change.
Finally, the consent can be revoked at any time and at any moment!!!! Even during the act, if one of them has the desire to stop, this should be respected immediately, even in couples who have had intercourse many times.
Trust
Whether you’re in a relationship and decide to have sex for the first time, or you’re single and decide you want to move on with someone, trust between the participants is ideal to always exist, for the sake of our physical and mental health. You don’t owe anyone any information about you, unless you have an STD, and you should receive the same information from the other person. Sharing that it’s your first time is purely up to you. You can not communicate it if you want to, or you can say so that the other person knows how to behave or not be surprised at any bleeding (it doesn’t always happen). Discuss, if you want, your expectations and find out the other person’s too. It is important that you are on the same page.
Spend time on the preliminaries
Maybe the stress makes you want to get over your first time as quickly as possible. However, sexual arousal doesn’t happen the same way in women and men. Women take longer to become aroused, so if your first time is with a woman spend some time on foreplay, which will make the process much more enjoyable and painless. However, good lubrication is recommended for every partner. Without lubrication you are much more likely to experience discomfort and pain.
Leave the stunts aside
I understand your need to be good and impress with various tricks and exaggerated changes in positions, but until you really feel safe to try it out it’s best to stick to the simple. When you start your journey into the world of sex it’s best to take it one step at a time, start simple and start to slowly enrich it. The first time is never the best, but sex will become more and more enjoyable as you practice, without having to go to extremes.
Good hygiene!
Cut fingernails, hand washing before the procedure starts, a new condom before each activity, even if ejaculation has not taken place. Bathing after the act to remove any residual body fluid or lubricant.
And most important of all! Enjoy! For most of us, the first time was not a shocking experience – but we all remember it. It’s not stressful. Understanding, patience and acceptance at that time, it takes laughter to take away the awkwardness! Have a good start to this wonderful journey!